A few years ago, my husband and I went on a popular, high-praised, 28-day cleanse. During our time of cleansing, we had to give up alcohol, a plethora of foods including most meats and seafood, eggs, dairy, nightshades, grains, sugar — the list goes on. Of course, this made for tough times when it came to social gatherings where the delicious foods and booze flowed freely. This article is not about the cleanse itself, but a cure for our boredom due to so many days and nights spent away from temptations. This is our short story.
First things first, when actively on a restrictive cleanse or diet of any kind, your willpower needs to be at its peak. Usually these cleanses and the supplements that go along with them are quite pricy, so you’re motivated to not waste your precious dollars. It’s a commitment, but it can be done. My husband Aubrey and I were determined to give this Gwenyth-approved plan a shot. After all, it was less than a month — we could do anything for 28 days. We were a team, and as a team we stuck together. We grocery shopped together, looked at the sugar content on nutrition labels together, ate together, went on long walks each day, and played card games or Scrabble at night, and we went to see A LOT of movies. This was back when MoviePass was still a really cool thing and actually allowed you to see a movie of your choice every single day, as promised. It was great, we loved it, and would hit up the theater three to four times a week. But how is this possible when the concession stands and their popcorn, Milk Duds, and Twizzlers are calling your name? Simple. We became master movie smugglers.
Now, I know that sneaking food and drinks into the movies is sort of against the rules, but theater employees usually won’t say squat about it. I know this from experience, plus my eldest son’s first job was at AMC and he confirmed that during his time there, whether they knew or had suspicions of movie goer contraband, they would almost always let it slide. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should sneak in your roast chicken dinner or something that smells to high heaven and take it to your seat. Stick to snack size and try to keep the odor to a minimum.
Here are some tried and true tips that me and my delinquent cleanse partner learned during our time as regular movie-goers…
Eat beforehand: Buy your tickets for as close to post-mealtime as possible. This will ensure you’re not crazy hungry during your screening and won’t be tempted to replace a meal with a feast of buttered popcorn, giant pretzels, boxed candy, or fast-movie meals like fried mozzarella sticks, pizza, and nachos. We would usually have our dinner around seven and try to catch a movie at 8:30.
Pack your snacks: We’ve smuggled in a laundry list of foods during our cinematic escapades over the years. If I’m being honest, most times with unhealthy delicacies, but the point of this silly story is to keep the movie theater a healthy place, so we won’t go there. Here are some of the cleaner things we snuck inside: Ziplock baggies filled with sliced apples, papaya, blueberries, miniature pickles, cucumber rounds, and watermelon. Pre-packaged kale chips, protein bars, clean cookies, and coconut butter cups. Small Tupperware containers of roasted veggies, hummus for dipping, and once a small shredded chicken salad — I even brought a fork.
All hail the Thermos: The Thermos, aka insulated travel mug, is your BFF when you’re sneaking shit into the cinema. We would make hot tea, bone broth, soups, and even our icy cold, cleanse-approved smoothies. They’re spill-proof and easy to stick inside of a bag or purse, but easier to just walk through holding confidently in hand. If anyone asks what’s inside (they never asked us) just tell them it’s tea.
Where to tuck your contraband: Your purse, pocket, or fanny pack will do the trick. Bonus tip is to bring a blanket or big sweater (because the movie theater is a tundra) and throw it over your arm concealing a small Baggu of food. They’ll never suspect a thing.
The moral of this story is that pretty much anything can be hidden and shoved into places en route to your seat. It’s up to you if you’re going to keep it healthy or not.